emotional time

I have realised that I seem to be very emotional at the moment and have realised why.
There are feelings that I thought I had dealt with many years ago which have resurfaced since I have had to deal with something similar.
I have thought that maybe I shouldn't put myself in a position that would lead me to be in a position where I would be reminded of my cousin Katie who died of Cystic Fibrosis 12 years ago, but that would mean severing ties with some remarkable young people who I have great admiration for.
I see in one of those people, something that was lacking in my own relationship with my cousin, and that being one of being allowed to care. There is a long and quite sad story behind this, and if I could just once meet the transplant coordinator that caused the issues within my family I would punch his lights out.
I never got to say goodbye properly to my cousin Katie, as I, and my immidiate family were not permitted to her funeral. So I dealt with the situation as best I could and thought I had dealt with these feelings. But it seems that although time heals, these feelings have just never really gone away and maybe they never will.
One of these young people is very ill at the moment, laying in a hospital bed waiting for a double lung transplant and it fills me with great sadness not only what she and her loved ones are going through but her friends that also suffer from CF must be going through. All of this has led to some old but familiar feelings resurfacing. Those of helplessness. For we are all in effect wishing that someone else dies to save our friend, obviously we do not wish anyone harm but that is what we are all wishing and praying for. This itself brings on feelings of guilt but none the less that is what we are waiting for, but that in itself has a all too short time limit. I shall stop blundering on and just finish with this thought for any of you still reading.
Live your life everyday like it's your last. Tell everyone that matters in your life how much they mean to you and never hold back on saying how you feel because you may not have the chance tomorrow. If you, or a loved one died today, would you want their pointless passing to have some kind of meaning, some way of comfort knowing that somewhere, someone will get a 2nd chance at life? Would you rather their body get cremated or buried, knowing that those parts are going to waste when they could have made a difference to so many lives. Not just those of the recipients but of the wives, husbands, children, parents, aunties, uncles, cousins and friends of the recipients. I have lived through losing someone because they never got their transplant and it still effects me today. When someone is dead, they have no need for the physical body anymore. But so many good things can happen if they are gifted to someone else, and that is what it is, a gift. A gift of life.
So go now after reading this and Live life, but if it ends too soon please think about then giving life.
Live Life, Then Give Life.